Language of Dreams

as u have probably seen on my msn nick, that i'm in a very nice and happy mood today... none of u can probably guess why.

nope, i've not (yet) gotten my promotion, nor pay raise.. neither did my boss praise me..

and if u vaguely remember, i was in my worst of moods for the past few days~ because of some huge thing that happened which turned my life around.


but...

u know, in dramas, we always see scenarios where ppl have to face a huge traumatising experience, and then lose their memory. selectively, i mean.
the person wakes up from unconsciousness and remembers everything BUT that incident and everything relating to it. the doctor calls it: Selective Amnesia.

i was wishing for it yesterday and~ poof!
today the memory is gone. not totally though.

and i am so amazed by the lengths that the human brain can go to in order to save the entire person.

what do i mean by 'the memory is gone'?


today, early in the morning at work, i felt extremely light and perky. even the routine jobs were enjoyable. i even wondered why, what has caused this sudden change in mood. then i figured that it was because i was sick, down with flu and sore throat, feeling light-headed, floating around and so i was very relaxed.

but then, throughout the whole day, that incident didn't even crossed my mind! i realised this when i was on the transport going home, when i suddenly felt a little sad. as i stared blankly out of the window, i felt sadder and sadder. but nothing came to mind. it was as if i had experienced something really bad but i couldn't picture it in my head.

the only thing i can think of was someone i really cared abt is gone, will never ever come back again.. slowly his image began to form.. then i realised, that in my subconscious state of mind, my memory has changed.. and i like that memory so much better. at the very least, all the bad things about that person has been forgotten by me, and only the good things and memories are left behind. left behind by that someone whom i really cared for. the only thing is that he is now gone.. never gonna come back to my side ever again. no more anger, no more disappointment.. only sadness. in my world now, he don't exist anymore. so if i happen to see 'him' in the future, to me, that's just someone who looks very much like him. and if he ever cross my mind, i will be able to smile.. even if i cry when i am reminded of him, it is because i am missing him. so badly cuz i will never see him again.


u might think i've gone mad.

but to me, this is the only way. 因为我放不下。